When you’re attracted to someone, flirting is a way of communicating that interest through subtle (or not-so-subtle) cues. You may tilt your head to one side, slightly change the tone of your voice, or adjust your posture, for example.

Some of these cues may be subconscious, and some may be intentional. So, how do you determine: Is flirting cheating, or isn’t it?

While there may be undeniable moments when flirting crosses a line, mutual consent, clarity in your relationship, and underlying intent can all be important factors when deciding if flirting is infidelity.

Openly talking about your and your partner’s expectations and your willingness to honor those is a healthy way of getting on the same page and establishing if flirting is cheating or if it gets too close to it for comfort.

For some, flirting is infidelity. For others, [cheating is] exclusively sexual acts. For others still, [infidelity is] any emotional closeness that should be reserved for a primary partner or significant other, says Jeanae Hopgood, a licensed ily therapist from Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania. Ultimately, couples need to discuss the rules and boundaries for their specific relationship to avoid crossing lines.

In many cases, flirting is cheating when your partner doesn’t approve or your actions can go against the relationship or your partner.

If you’re in a committed romantic relationship, you can choose love. Opting to avoid doing the things you know will hurt your partner is a way of doing this.

1. Flirting with physical contact

Even casual touching, like an arm brush, or lingering contact, may be crossing a line if it’s conveying sexual interest.

Touch can be a powerful tool in flirting. Research from 2020 found the impact of caressing touch was significantly more influential when it was paired with attractive faces.

2. Hiding or lying about flirting

If you’re hiding your phone, for example, because you’re worried your partner would be upset by messages or pictures you’ve exchanged with someone else, chances are they would be upset.

Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that flirting is nearing cheating.

3. Flirting to establish intimacy

Intimacy is often a prized component of a relationship. This doesn’t only refer to physical intimacy but also emotional and spiritual intimacy.

Sharing deeply private details about yourself can create a sense of intimacy with someone on a level where your partner no longer feels special or is missing out on this important connection.

4. Putting your partner second to the person you’re flirting with

Korlarski points out that another place where flirting may become cheating is when you neglect your partner’s needs in favor of the person you’re flirting with.

Skipping movie night with your partner, for example, because you want to stay longer at the office to chat with that cute co-worker, could be crossing a line.

Not being attentive and loving to your partner when you’re in front of the person you’re flirting with may also be a sign you may be nearing the cheating line.

5plimenting and trying to elicit feelings

Congratulating someone on an achievement isn’t quite the same as complimenting their physical appearance, mannerisms, or qualities that make them attractive.

Acknowledging someone else’s attractiveness even once can make many partners uncomfortable. If you’re doing this to lead someone on or trying for them to develop romantic or sexual feelings for you, you may be getting into cheating waters.

Hopgood and Kotlarski both agree that yes, flirting can be innocent. You may not even realize you’re giving off flirtatious cues.

We all know someone who is friendly, easily talks to anyone, and has a way of leaving an interaction with the other person feeling extra good about themselves – this is an example of innocent flirtation, Kotlarski indicates. It is really about the intent behind the interaction.

Holly: Usually I am a specialist within flirting out difficult posts, but We actually can’t think of one thing. Primary trope is advisable.

Ingrid: Uhm…so-like, sleeping erodes believe and all you to, and individuals constantly declare that a romance is created with the believe therefore possibly one to. I do not get a hold of an issue with they, which trope is fairly hearty. Generally what you dudes told you merely as opposed to all the proof.

Holly: For many who go through the whole variety of causes We provided significantly more than where it will be really well legitimate in order to sit on getting within the a romance, this may be becomes noticeable there is absolutely no way this particular does not happen in real-world.

Erin: I mean, a fake date I’m able to discover. And you can a married relationship out-of benefits that’s to have something like good eco-friendly credit otherwise insurance and not an absurd caveat when you look at the a might. However, possibly the fresh lengths to which these emails apparently be they need to wade appears bananas.

The thing that makes which such as for instance a famous trope?

Holly: Its each other specific and incredibly versatile. By that i mean that its specific in sounds: men and women have an effective performative matchmaking, the newest efficiency bleeds to the individual space, attitude ensue, that or each party ponder in case it is real. But inside men and women beats, there is plenty place getting commonly different ways on facts so you’re able to unfold, based on how and what the quantity various beats is actually highlighted.

Erin: Holly’s spot on. I hoppa över till denna webbplats think I might add that it boasts an extremely natural pressure that doesn’t you want any extra design. In the event the a story is performed better, issue which should have a great, obvious respond to completely until the stop was Why are unable to they be to each other immediately? (Thanks a lot, Sarah MacLean!) An artificial relationships begins with a clear disease and you can characters who are making a very clear agreement, hence, in the event that arrangement drops apart, streams on brand new tension since the one to or one another characters is faltering to stick to the first arrangement, with stuck thoughts.

What’s one to publication you adored with which trope? What exactly is brilliant about this guide and exactly how it covers the newest trope?

Erin: Lookup, it is Boyfriend Thing. Not necessarily because of the trope (although trope is actually natural bogus dating excellence), but because it’s even the very humorous book I have actually comprehend in my existence.

Another one that is overall white-hearted and contains a little fun into trope is actually Boyfriend because of the Sarina Bowen. A college hockey player promotes becoming available since the a perfect phony boyfriend every Thanksgiving so he does not have any to cope with friends crisis in the home in which he reaches possess a fun sense. This new woman that had an effective break for the him given that she very first offered your from the local diner chooses to benefit from the possibility he or she is presented. Needless to say, they continue trading as they end up being household members…until its feelings change more than amicable.

Holly: Become It because of the Lucy Parker was an incredible example of the fresh new fake relationships trope since each other protagonists was stage actors whom start dating because a public relations stunt toward show they truly are each other in the. The fresh traces anywhere between what’s real and what’s pretend come on blurry genuine timely and it’s really delicious.

While the I’m contractually forced to usually suggest an ancient love whenever we chat tropes, Particular Enjoy it Scandalous by the Maya Rodale are enjoyable that! Its one of those let’s provides a phony relationship to stop which have a genuine relationships setups that’s just used in love novels.